…there are also two things that you should consider, otherwise nothing works.
You don’t have to read to the end of this post to get the candy: the two power hacks are meditation and gratitude. There, I said it. Big deal, you might think, that’s what everyone is saying. Exactly, that’s the advice you hear everywhere but without tips on what to do if it doesn’t work for you.
The thing is, I’ve tried both gratitude and meditation several times before. It never worked. As soon as I tried to focus on me breathing, like you are supposed to do in every kind of relaxation, I started feeling short of breath and ended up feeling more stressed than before. I also tried gratitude and it felt all wrong. I couldn’t help feeling miserable and not able to see the positive side of things that I was blessed with: like living in peace, in a nice apartment, having a secure job and wonderful kids. It simply didn’t work.
The thing was, my whole life felt like hell because I was living in a toxic relationship. It affected all parts of my life, not only the relationship with my partner. In my friendships, at work and with my family I was only half the person I could (and should) have been. It wasn’t until I had finally left my partner (that was a drama, too, I can tell you), that things began to change for the better. I still wasn’t able to focus on my breath during meditation sessions, but I did focus on my body and a miracle happened: I fell asleep! My meditation teacher wasn’t amused at all because she wanted us to stay present in this moment, but I celebrated this transition. It is a miracle for a mom of two toddlers to relax that quickly.
Suddenly gratitude came easily
Gratitude hasn’t worked for another two years though. Eventually I felt settled enough in my new life to try it again. After a session of trial and errors I found an easy way to find three things that I was grateful for, in the morning and before bed. It didn’t feel special, but it felt ok, so I continued doing it. And after three weeks or so a thought popped up in my mind that I have never had before in my life: despite all the things that are still not the way I want them to be, everything is ok. To reach my goals will be a nice add-on to this, but actually everything was fine right now. Wow, what an epiphany.
It was the same with meditating five minutes a day. Breathing still doesn’t always come easy but after meditating every day for a week I started to notice an overall feeling of peace being there all the time, no matter what I was doing. A new thing to me, I can tell you.
So the two conditions for those things to work are: self care hacks won’t truly work if there is something really wrong in your life. In order for them to work properly you need to fix major issues. For me the solution was: grab the kids and run.
And the second thing is discipline. Yep, I know. It’s hard enough. But it gets easier to stick to it as soon as you notice how much it helps you. This experience also makes it easier to get back to it if you get off track, which happens fairly easy.
P.S. There is no way around getting your life sorted if you feel miserable. But after you get going you can discover tons of things to help you live a better life, not only meditation and gratitude.