First, I didn’t even know what self care meant, exactly. I just felt it was the main thing missing in my life. After some periods of trial and error I finally learned some valuable lessons.
Thing 1: Self care is an attitude
Real self care comes from a place of allowing yourself to feel good and to do something to feel that way. One massage over Christmas doesn’t make up for years of self neglect. Self care shouldn’t be an exception on a weekend or once a month because “you’ve earned it”. The idea of earning it means there has to be some serious effort and maybe even exhaustion before the treat. But here’s the thing: you deserve it just because you want it, just because you exist. This realisation came to me after over a year and it’s still hard to implement it. Because there is a mindshift involved, the idea that you don’t have to work like insane all the time.
Thing 2: Self care needs to be part of your everyday life.
Find a time every day to ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”. It might be something simple like a glas of water or a coffee or a walk around the block. My goal is to make daily self care a habit like eating or working.
Thing 3: Self care starts in your head.
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself in your head. I was very surprised to find out that firstly, I was talking to myself all the time, and secondly, I was basically telling myself off all the time. The main thing I was telling myself was “You could’ve done a better job”. Even if I was doing the job of several people every day as a mom of two toddlers, wife, housekeeper, cook and employee. After I started telling myself “Well done, you!” I realised that I didn’t want to hear that either. I simply didn’t want to be a good girl all the time to feel lovable. All I really wanted was to rest.
Thing 4: It needs some effort and discipline.
You need to come up with ideas on how to treat yourself. It’s not that easy if you are not used to it. And you need to do it every day. If you forget it one day, come back to it the next day. That’s how change happens. It still feels strange to me to go to a massage on Friday and to the sauna on sunday. Two expensive treats in one weekend? How dare you! But I do it nevertheless. And it feels awesome. I must be lovable if I treat myself that way.
Thing 5: The results are remarkable.
Even small things can make a huge difference if done regularly. I was so busy finding new ways to treat myself that I didn’t even notice how much more relaxed I was. A gratitude practice in the morning and a short walk after lunch changed my mood completely. Generally I found that you need to practice a new habit for three weeks to see the difference – your brain needs time to realise that there’s something new happening. But sometimes the good feeling comes quicker.
P.S. Find out here, which self care hacks help me the most.